Wanted

I wanted to feel happy tonight.
But my heart was an icicle:
frozen, by life, so many years ago.
My new lover and I
wrapped ourselves
up in a blanket
for about an hour or so.
The moonlight
stared down at us
from his pearly-white throne,
and smiled
while I wished I had
the muscles in my face
to do the same.
But I remained frozen.
I wanted, wanted, wanted
to be happy, tonight;
happy, tonight, my darling.

I wanted to taste beauty tonight.
Your skin looked so smooth,
I felt I could lick it
like over-priced cotton candy.
And you begged for
my tongue.
Yet all I could do
was hold my mouth open:
stuck somewhere
between a kiss and a scream.
No words would emerge
from my deep cave of depression;
my personal hell
where all my organs are frozen.
Especially my heart.
I wanted, wanted, wanted
to taste beauty tonight;
beauty, beauty, my darling.

I wanted to love you tonight.
But my mind soon shut off.
So, after you left,
I sat, alone,
watching CNN
while drinking something frothy
from a cheap paper cup.
And still, I knew,
that when you came back
tomorrow night
we would go through
this whole routine
all over again,
without ever getting
a different result.
I wanted, wanted, wanted
to love you, tonight;
love you tonight, my darling.


~J.V.Harker~
~Saturday 25 July 2009~