Fading

1:

My once-strong arms were growing limp:
The weight of the world was too strong.
I struggled, staggered, like a gimp
Who knew giving up would be wrong.

I had punched pillows, fought for sleep,
Yet always thought I would succeed.
That is why I would never weep:
Surviving was my only need.

Yet all the pain kept rising high,
Until I reached a drowning point.
It was either release, or die;
And I would not disappoint.

So now, the gates are open wide,
And everything is flowing free.
Happiness becomes suicide;
Depression is fading from me.

2:

My blue eyes were not big enough
To conceal my rising of tears.
For so long, I had been so tough:
I had hidden away my fears.

The world was viewed in shades of gray:
No color to light up my face;
So I hid in shadows - away
From any and every place.

When I was seen, I wore a mask:
Every movement was my disguise.
No one questioned, no one would ask;
No one could see my blood-shot eyes.

But now, people view my real side:
I stare at this blade with pure glee.
Happiness becomes suicide;
Depression is fading from me.

3:

Look at all the tears I've bled!
(I can call them tears, I guess.)
My essence of life has been shed,
And I will not clean up the mess.

Do not worry - do not feel shame:
There was nothing left I could do.
For years, I had placed my own blame;
This was never because of you.

The silence I now hear is grand,
And for the first time, I see light.
I am flying to Happy-land
With a clear destination in sight.

The angels, now, are my guide.
I have never felt so free.
Happiness became suicide;
Depression has faded from me.


~J.V.Harker~
~Wednesday 22 July 2009~